Medicine Horse Healing - Blog

Medicine Horse Healing

Heart, Break Open

6/6/2018

“The completely open heart is a heart of total embrace. It even embraces the reality of suffering. The completely open heart embraces life as it is, not what could or should be. When we are completely open to life as it is, it can break your heart, but it breaks it further open. It breaks it open beyond any resistance to the immensity of collective suffering. Then we are not overwhelmed by it. We lovingly respond to it in whatever way the heart moves.”
~ Adyashanti

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Derek Walcott

The Source of Love

6/1/2018

Many of us, identify a false Source of Love.

The man or woman we are attracted to for example.
We choose them as a Source of; Love, Validation, to not reject us. To see us. To affirm us.
We make them the Source.

And often, what follows is a slow, decline, away from our truth.
We become what we feel they want-so they will ‘accept us’. When in fact they are accepting our false projections.
In some cases, we alter our tastes, to fit theirs, to be in alignment. When in fact, we are once again sidestepping away from our own desires.
We build them up on a shrine of holy significance, not seeing their own human flaws, or ways in which they are not ‘meeting us’ because we so deeply want to be met, that we often craft an illusion.

We lose sight of our truth.
We lose sight of reality.
And thus begins the fall from Grace. From Truth. From the TRUE source of Love.
We then begin to shame the other for not being who we thought they were. (Guess what they were always flawed, we just chose not to see it).
We begin to demand they become what we think we Need.
We put demands on love.
We demand to be loved on certain conditions.

Then we suffer. We suffer because we believe we were wronged. Our heart is breaking. We lost something.

When in truth.
We deluded ourselves. We did not look at the Truth. We wronged ourselves. It is our illusions that our breaking. It is our attachments we are losing.

We made another, the Source of Love. This never works.
People can evoke Love within your Heart. You will love them. Yes! But they are not the true Source of Love.
And in recognizing this, we can show up as we are. We can allow others to show up as they are.
And we can SHARE the Love that is for all of us.

The Art of Non-Attachment

4/25/2018

Something I have discovered for my own life, and which has invited a great deal of curiosity from some people around me, is the art of non-attachment.

Non-Attachment has been, in my experience, an organic byproduct of my ego based consciousness being composted into truth. Ego gets broken down, and we come to see, wow! I am not my attachments. I am not my needs. I am not my story. I am not my beliefs. I am not….

This break down of illusion leads naturally to Non-Attachment. How could it not? I am no longer sourcing my happiness from outside of me. It does not mean people do not inspire joy within me, they most certainly do. It does not mean I do not get attached to outcomes, I most certainly do! But I choose wisely. I don’t invest in my attachments. I don’t invest in outcomes. I let it go and let truth rise to the top. I invest, in truth.

True non-attachment is a natural response to letting go of the ego’s need for control. Love, is not attaching. It just is. It just loves. It loves the way that it loves.

I love to love. To be a hollow flute through which love moves through. And when I am in alignment with this, life is a melody that I am so blessed to be a witness to.

But when I have been attached, I am trying to control. I have an outcome in mind. Somewhere, I believe that something outside of me will bring me truth.

I know now, in a deep, penetrating way, that this simply is not true.

Experiences, sensations, oxytocin rushes, orgasms, delight after a good meal. These are all transient. They do not stay. They do not fill a void. They are transient. It doesn’t mean don’t have these experiences! Have them! Enjoy them! But don’t attach to them!

When I say, do not be attached, I do not mean live with no sense pleasures etc. I am speaking to not being attached to these things as the source of Fulfillment.

If you get attached to something outside of you, and look to it to fill a void, you will be let down eventually because it is not the true Source of abiding peace.

Attach to Truth.

The Great HeartBreak

3/21/2018

Written by Adyashanti

The fully open heart rests in sweet unknowingness, safe in its own embrace, rushing to meet its own perceived need that dissolves in the grace swallowing it. Dancing its tender dance of sheer delight in its own loveliness, merging with itself everywhere, only this, exquisitely so.

This may sound far off for some people, a place unattainable, a state made available only for a few, but I can assure you that it doesn’t require you to change or to become different at all to know this firsthand. It only requires a willingness to stop. The more we stop and the more we let go, the more our consciousness naturally opens.

The more we question our conclusions, the more the doorway opens for us to have a wider and wider vision. The deeper we see into the reality of things, the more our heart opens to include everything, because if we’re really feeling into our deepest reality and truth, the heart isn’t something that would want to escape from what is here and now; rather, our hearts are already embracing everything. We can allow our hearts to be big enough to be broken.

My teacher called this world “the great heartbreak”. When we really begin to wake up to our true nature, we become more conscious of the suffering around us. We feel the people and the events of our lives more profoundly, not less profoundly. We become more present here and now.

What we see is that, even though our vision may have expanded, even though we may have woke up not just to reality, but as reality, still we can’t control anyone. Everything and everyone has their own life to live, and we can’t just wipe away their suffering because our hearts are open. Although we would love to have everyone wake up and be happy, part of the heartbreak is accepting this moment, this world, just as it is.

Another one of my teachers said, “All true love sheds a tear. It’s bittersweet,” and I’ve found this to be more and more true. The more deeply I love, the more I taste the bitterness with the sweet. It’s not a negative bitterness, it’s a bitterness that makes the sweetness even more sweet. Life is beautiful not just because of beautiful mountaintop vistas and the pristine, clear environment of a high mountain lake. Life is also beautiful in each and every moment.

There is nobility and beauty even when human beings are suffering. Our hearts do not want them to suffer; we want to save them, but the heartbreak is that we can’t do that. The quality of our love, the openness of our heart, still does have a profound effect on the world and others in it. Our hearts just can’t control it — nor would they ever want to.

But don’t ever think that your presence here — your physical, material, individual presence — doesn’t have a great impact on everyone around you, because it does. You can’t ultimately control what’s going on around you, but you do have a great impact. This is the gift we have to give other: this gift of oneness, of union, of a true open heart that comes when our mind opens.

Yes, it will be heartbreaking, and when our hearts break, it will be asked to open even wider, so wide that there’s nothing and nobody to hold onto the heartbreak. But the heartbreak also moves through the transparency of consciousness. If we’re willing to open that wide, to where we’re willing to not just transcend this world, but to inhabit it and embody it, then we become the answer for which we’ve always been looking. Then we become the peace that all beings are seeking.

Sometimes it is disturbing to realize that we’ve been holding onto a pocketful of dreams, but ultimately , it’s liberating. We can let our hearts break; they are that big. Illusion never brings peace, never brings happiness. When we’re done being disturbed by our own illusions, then we start to become astonished — astonished that we aren’t just our illusions, that we’re something so vast and unexplainable.

We’re not something that exists within Heaven or even in the great mystery of being, but we actually are the great mystery of being. One Zen master said, “The whole universe is my true personality.” This is a very wonderful saying: “The whole universe is my true personality.” If you want to see what you truly are, open the window, and everything you see is in fact the expression of your inner reality. Can you embrace all of it?

~ Adyashanti
Falling Into Grace

A little video to add to this: Experiencing Through the Heart

Love Beyond Conditions (and Conditioning)

3/19/2018

Love moves without an agenda.
It just moves because that is its nature to move.
Adyashanti

It is often talked about, about loving another without conditions, like a mother or father loves their child. How about allowing our own heart to love without conditions?

Many of us do not let our love flow freely unless certain conditions are in place.

Conditions such as:

I will share my love when I know it’s safe.
I will share my love when I know it won’t be rejected.
I will share my love when this other person validates me, first.

These conditions cause us, to hold back our love. Love, the source of Life. Love, the essence of Source.

We deny OUR true selves when we deny love flowing freely.

"To be free of fear is to be full of Love". -Adyashanti

What this means, is you may share your love, and it won’t be ‘safe’ because you may feel rejected. In truth, rejection is an expression of the ego, and, an attachment to outcome. It’s also based on conditions. I give you this, and you give me that. If you don’t give me what I want, I’ve been rejected.

No, your attachment to outcome, has been redirected.

I know these concepts well because I have explored them in my own heart. I have held back my love when I felt someone may misunderstand me. I have held back my love for fear of being hurt. I have held back my love because I was angry. Until I realized, holding back love, is holding back Source energy. It’s constricting what moves naturally through us.
However, sharing your true self doesn’t mean attaching to outcomes. It doesn’t mean your ego self won’t feel vulnerable, unsafe, or exposed. Share it anyway. Love anyway.

Soon you will see, that love flowing free, is the truest expression you could ever express. Let it move through you. Watch what happens.

Our Life is our Mirror

3/12/2018

"You are a mirror
Reflecting a noble face.
This Universe is not Outside of you.
Look inside yourself;
Everything you want,
You are already
That."
-Rumi

Our life is our mirror, and the stories we tell about our life say a lot about our inner climate.

Most of us walk around projecting outwardly, onto our screen of life, what we feel about ourselves on the inside. Regardless of how others are behaving towards us, we quite literally will translate their behaviors through our own operating system and mirror.

What does this mean?

Our life is our mirror. Our mirror about how we feel about ourselves, our world view, what we believe we deserve, and so on.

In my work with mothers and families, I help them set themselves up to receive help in the postpartum window. Key phrase “I help them to set themselves up to receive”. They must be WILLING and feel WORTHY of receiving. Often, what I have witnessed, is mothers especially not wanting to ask for the help, not wanting to burden anyone as they would say. And thus, they cut themselves off from the help because they do not feel worthy of it. I illustrate to them the value in a nurtured mama, a full cup overfloweth. Everyone gets that mentally, but we must open ourselves up to to receive the help, and again that means feeling worthy of it.

How about manifestation? The Law of Attraction. Saying affirmations? Any of you try any of these methods? You can say mantras, affirmations, and optimistic phrases until you’re blue in the face-but if you do not feel you are worthy of what you are trying to bring into your life, you will not. Moreover, if you do not believe it is possible, how could you even see the doorways opening to bring it to you?

We quite literally see in our mirror of our life, what we feel about ourselves, what we feel we are worthy of. It really is a brain twister if you look back on events say ten years ago from the eyes of who you are now. In most cases, you are able to see them a bit differently yes? The perspective shifts with us. Often times, a transformation is a perspective shift away. Or even better, a moving from mind into heart, into our true Self which transcends all of this noise.

Relationships. The hardest flipping arena to learn in, in my experience. Relationships are, in my eyes, the most powerful mirror of all. The most tender and vulnerable.

"Relationship is a mirror in which we see ourselves not as we wish to be, but as we are. "
-Jiddu Krishnamurti

How many of you have felt rejected? That you, your self, as a being, are bad, wrong, unlikeable because someone does not choose you the way you want to be chosen?

Choose your Self.

The person who you feel is rejecting you, is not rejecting you if you do not reject yourself. If you are attached to an outcome, then what is being rejected is your attachment to what you feel ‘should’ happen. An outcome. If you recognize you are whole as you are, surely your self is not being rejected in your experience. If you are attached to an outcome, and said person does not help produce that outcome, your outcome that you are attached to, is being rejected. If we look back on times when things did not align for us, where we felt ‘rejected’ often times If we are being honest with ourselves, we can see it’s a redirect in a more aligned direction. If we do not try to control so hard, perhaps we would see things are moving in a more honest, aligned way. We must let go to see this.

Perceived rejection is a reflection into what we have not chosen in ourselves. What we need others to affirm. To choose.

Oh look! They chose me, I must be worthy! This is a real experience. I have had clients, who have picked unavailable people just so they could have the journey of feeling chosen by them, once they won their attention. They wanted to be chosen. We must choose ourselves!

Another client once told me that she was afraid of getting into relationships because she would lose herself. My answer to her was this. Find yourself first, rely on your self the best you can, and then you won't get so lost in the other. Easier said than done, but absolutely possible with conscious application.

If you feel rejected, ask yourself, are you rejecting yourself? What are you asking others to choose in you? To validate?

Do you feel disrespected? Do you respect yourself?

Do you feel you do not have a voice in a situation? Do you give yourself a voice?

Do you not feel heard? Do you listen to yourself?

These are simple inquiries that can help you to explore your mirrors. Look at your hot spots, your triggers. Then look some more. How are you giving those outside of you the power to define your worth? What illusory holes in you, are you looking for them to fill?

A spiritual practice, something I talk about in my blog about commitment, can anchor you into your Divine Nature. The true Self. The Source of life. This is our aligned connection. If we make life about what is happening TO us. OUTSIDE of us, then we will of course be rocked around like a ship out at sea. However, if we anchor into our true Self, the abiding Divine nature within us all, the sea will rock about, but we will be anchored in truth. This takes developing a relationship with that connection-however that looks for you-it does not matter the way, that is a personal relationship. It must be cultivated, remembered, and aligned with in your daily life. It is possible, and it is our true Source. Until then, you will Source from the outside, which is rife with disappointments because it is not what is true.

Life is not all roses and butterflies all the time, challenges most certainly arise, but it’s all in how we respond to them. Are you the captain of your ship anchored in your knowing, or are you waiting to see what the waves might do? This life is yours to craft.

Look deeply into your own self, and reflect upon how your life is mirroring you. Where can you change the script? What holes in you can you fill within yourself rather than looking outward?

This is not always the easiest experience, nor is it glamorous, but it is rich, and full, and true.

If you would love support in exploring your life, as your mirror, check out my offerings, I’m here to help you trust and Source your Innate Knowing.

A great video on Choice.

The Stories that we Believe Shape Us.

3/7/2018

"What shape waits in the seed of you,
to grow and spread its branches
against a future sky?"
- David Whyte.

Michelle and General Sherman, largest living tree. Photo Credit Illup Gravengaard

I have been moved by a deeply touching reminder of my own roots that has been reflected to me by our Tree Beings standing tall, reaching wide, growing through rock, swaying with the winds, giving us breath. This life is blessed. I have also been shown my story, and how it can shape, or hinder if we grow too attached to the form.

It is not about the details of our stories, but what was awakened within us within these stories. The unchanging Divine spark that takes whatever form is needed to bring us into a state of remembrance of the truth of who we are.

It is very easy to get stuck in story lines. It is these very narratives, even the most beautiful ones might I add, that can keep us from expanding into the ever present beauty of who we truly are.

I have stories. I got lots of them. We all do. Many of mine that I have been attached to in the past are connected to synchronicity and Spirit moving through events that feel magical and touched. I used to be so attached to these stories. So formed by them. Until I was not.

When I was younger, I found a great deal of solace in nature, and with horses. I remember running around barefoot, and have the scars to prove it from my barefoot swamp romps and tree climbs. Nature embraced me. I would sit under two pine trees in my back yard, lean my little body up against them, and look up and watch the wind tickle their needles and give them a maternal sway. I loved the earth and how it smelled, moved, and had the same affinity for horses. Tree medicine was a resident root in my life.

In college, I would sit outside my dorm room, and lean up against the big oak tree outside. I'd give it offerings. I'd offer it my breath. I'd sit with this tree and ask it to help me compost old energies. The other kids thought me to be a little out there, I didn't care.

Now, I take people out on the land, and invite them to connect with a few of my favorite tree teachers of the valley. The trees reflect so much for these people. They are constantly speaking.

Last night, I had a moment of deep remembrance with the tree people. I had put on a new album by Ayla Nereo on that I had not yet heard much of while taking a shower. This song "Whispers" came on. It speaks deeply of the tree people and their offering. You can hear it here.

This song hit me deep in the heart. I began to cry and feel so deeply that connection to the tree spirits, and how much they have held me throughout my journey. Images moved through my mind, of all the trees I had taken pictures of recently, and tree quotes that caught my eye, messages about seeds, growing, shapes, and roots. This past week I had been looking at all my old tree pictures, as well as my time Peru. It all poured through me. Such blessed gratitude for these vessels of breath and reflection. I felt how these beings, and my connection to them had become such a big part of my personal mythology and storyline. I've had my flower essence company which is taking a break right now, my journey in Peru with the plant medicines and the curanderos, and the story goes on.

Story after story, of a deep, abiding, Presence that enters my heart through my connection to Nature.

Beyond the story, is the essence. The Divine Presence that moves through ALL things.

Beyond the story, is the truth, that the Divine that I am, that lives within me, will meet me wherever I choose to meet it or even more accurately, get quiet enough to perceive and receive it.

If it were about the story, then I would think I better get outside and talk to the trees more so I can access the Divine. Now, I know that is simply not what is true for me, there is no 'one' way. The Divine found me in the shower through that song last night, because I received it. The Divine has found me through moments when I have been on my hands and knees grieving an old life. The Divine has found me in churches. The Divine has found me in meditation. The Divine has not just found me, the Divine is always here.

Always here. All ways. We can be reached if we are open enough to receive what is always there.

If I look around at my life, at all the stories, I see one defining thread the Divine reaching me, through so many things.

We get attached to the vehicles of our learning, and that can hinder us, because we are expansive beings. Our constructs, our thoughts, our beliefs about how it must be so-ever expanding-if we allow it. If I focused on the details of my stories, I would most certainly get confused. I'd think--do I have to go talk to the trees to connect? Do I go sit in this particular yoga posture? Do I go talk to Babaji and chant Om Namah Shivaya?

No. I get quiet. I open to my true Self and to my ever expanding edge. I remain open and invite the Divine to teach me, reach me, and move through me.

It's not about the how, it's not about the story. It's about what you contact in those moments. Those holy, holy moments, where we let go, and remember who we truly, are. Divinely embraced, always.

What are you committed to?

2/28/2018

“There is a mystery within all beings
bursting to reveal itself, in the ones who
become quiet enough to discover it.” -Mooji

I often hear in my work with others, a soul cry of how they would love to be more deeply in touch with their spiritual nature. "I don't know how to find it". Or the yearning for 'purpose', i.e. "What is my purpose?".

Yet I often also see a lacking in discipline, spiritual practice, or any room designated in said person's life for their spiritual nature to express itself.

Getting to know our spiritual self, is like any other relationship. You have to put your attention on that which you are seeking to grow. How that looks is different for everyone I would imagine, but the destination, the same.

When you meet someone who 'makes you feel good' you may create time in your life for them. You desire to see them, spend time with them, dialogue with them, try out your latest masks on them, in some cases, try to resolve your insecurities through their 'acceptance' of you. Regardless, you create time with and for them. You source your joy, from outside of you through another. This is a very common expression.

If you are desiring to learn from a mentor, perhaps in an apprenticeship model, you would naturally make time to learn with them. You would ideally dedicate yourself to the principles shared between you both. You would make time in your life for your learning.

Our spiritual nature is within us. It is a personal relationship. We must make time for our spiritual nature in our every day life, to access it. It must be welcomed as a guest in our home, free to express itself in our life. Jokes on us however, because once we dismantle our paradigms, we realize it's the whole entire home, and that comes within the process.

Ask your Spiritual Self to tea. Create a practice in your life to visit with that part of you.

Why might one not want to sit with their spiritual nature? I don't know about anyone else for sure, but I know for myself, when I stopped attending to my practice in my life years ago, it was during a time when things were tumultuous. Life was not how I had hoped it would be. I did not go and sit with my spiritual self (the Self) as often because I knew deep down the answers it was going to give me would mean very big change, as well as letting go of my commitment to my codependent, victim based, drama I was learning within. I have never in my life been able to fully ignore my Spiritual Self as it's always whispered in my heart, but that doesn't mean I always created the time to dialogue with it in true presence. Until I was ready. Then, I re-introduced myself, to my Self, and began my practice again of inviting my spiritual self, my true self into my life. Through getting time alone, going on the land, meditating daily, journaling, and just LISTENING and FEELING. It wasn't long after that, that some major changes occurred in my life through my actions. They were not easy, but there were aligned with my Divine design.

So I ask you, what are you committed to? Are you committed to your present paradigm, or are you committed to change? Saying you're committed means nothing without action. If you are not taking action, then why? This could give you some inquiry into your conditioned patterns that need to be let go of, to take inspired action.

If you desire to live more in alignment with your spiritual nature, your true Self, the Self, then create time for it in your life. Concepts, new age ideas, theories, spiritual fantasy, does not replace true contact with the Self.

This has been my walk, and it is my offering with others, to help you reconnect with your true Self, the Self, that knows. If you would love support in identifying tools and skillful means to support you in connecting more deeply with your essential Self, check out the offerings here or contact me!

This video really sums this up. You are THAT. By Mooji.